Encourage Your Child to Make Believe

Learn how to encourage a child's creative imagination with pretend play in this free instructional video clip on raising a creative kid.

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Do Successful People Believe They Have High Ability?

Most probably do. They have enjoyed many successes and have been told often by others that they are good. The more important questions, however, are why do they think they have high ability and how do they think they can maintain and improve their ability? The answers involve attributions.

Successful people will readily admit that it takes more than ability to be successful. They stress the value of hard work. The best people in business, sports, education, and other professions are typically those who work extra hours, spend more time practicing, seek advice from others, and look for better ways of accomplishing tasks. Attribution research attests to the value of success attributions stressing ability and effort (e.g., “I’m good at this and I work hard.”). Successful people believe they can improve their abilities through diligent effort. When they fail they attribute it to factors they can change (e.g., “I used a bad strategy. I’ll have to figure out a better one for the future.”).

Further, although believing that one has good ability facilitates motivation, an overemphasis on ability may actually be demotivating because people may believe they do not need to put forth their best effort to succeed. Upsets in sports often involve the losing team believing it was much superior to the winning team. Ability attributions that are strong but not overoptimistically high leave room for motivation for improvement.

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A famous Muslim philosopher once told his son on his death-bed:

"My son, do not forget to visit the graves of your parents, for it will not be long when you, too, will be carried to the same place where they are. And when you visit them at any time, read what you are able to from the Holy Qur'an, and send it as a present to their souls. O my son, why have you been so disobedient? Why have you shut yourself from your parents? What was their crime against you? Was it a crime to rejoice when you had done a good deed? Was it a crime to find the world becoming dark before us when we heard of your evil or wrong actions? Was it a crime to have shouldered a burden as heavy as a mountain when you were ill? Was it a crime when we wished to bear your pains rather than to see you suffer? To what extremes did we not resort to restore your health? If a certain part of your body had been needed to restore your health, your mother would not have hesitated to cut it off from her own body. The very evening your mother was buried you forgot what she had done for you. When you inherited the house, you forgot what sacrifices we had made to acquire it. Surely you are going to follow us tomorrow just as we shall follow our parents. And you shall regret your ill treatment of us just as we regretted ill-treating our parents. My son, I strongly implore you: accept these last few words of mine, then, perhaps, you shall gain the mercy of your Lord, Alláh SWT; and remember, your children shall also become parents."

Al-Jannah lies at the feet of your Mother

Islam ranks our parents so highly, that only obedience to Alláh and His Prophet, come before love and obedience to our parents.

The Holy Qur’án says, in Sura Al-Isrá’ [ch 17 v 23]:

"Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life say not to them a word of contempt nor repel them but address them in terms of honour. And out of kindness lower to them the wing of humility and say: "My Lord! bestow on them Your Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood."

O Muslims, The way we treat others, so shall we be treated. We can see this by looking around and reflecting on the successes and failures of others. Clearly, those who sow good seeds reap goodness; and those who sow evil only reap sorrow. The reward for good deeds can only be good, and the reward for bad deeds can only bring us closer to self-destruction.

Brothers and sisters in Islam! Who has the most right to our hearts, to our love and respect? Who deserves most, to hear our words of kindness, and appreciation? Our parents, of course! A mother's love for her child is a du'ah, an invocation for the wellbeing of her child. It is through her love that her child learns to crawl, to walk, to speak, to relate to others in the community. Surely we can offer our mothers and our fathers, companionship, words of comfort and appreciation! Abu Huraira narrates that a man once approached our Nabi and asked:

"O Apostle of Allah, who has the most right to my companionship?

To this our Nabi replied: "Your Mother."

Thrice the man asked the same question, and thrice our Nabi replied,"Your Mother",

until the fourth time when our Nabi replied, "Your Father".

From this Hadíth we can see, how highly we should regard our mothers. Can we ever repay the time and effort, the years loving care and attention our mother gave to us? Has she not sacrificed her health and her wealth to rear us to maturity? Did she ever complain when she had to feed, to clean and clothe us? No, she served us with love! How young and beautiful was she then ? How healthy and energetic? Today she may be grey and wrinkled not only with age, but from endless hours, days and years of hard work and sacrifice as mother. Love deserves love! Allah reminds us in the inspiring words of the Holy Qur'an, Sura Al-Ahqáf, 46:15:

"WE have enjoined on man, kindness to his parents:

in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth.

The carrying of the child to his weaning is (a period of) thirty months..."

When we were ill, she suffered with us, fearful that some misfortune might befall us. In her worry and anxiety she would cry and beseech Allah to restore us to good health and grant us a long and prosperous life. In the same way, too, a good deed from us, brings joy to her heart, but when we do something wrong, it fills her heart with disappointment and tears stream down her cheeks. Love deserves love!

Remember, :"Paradise, Al-Jannah lies at the feet of your Mother."

Parents as Role Models

Parents as Role Models

Young children do not have prior knowledge or skills, and so they eagerly look for someone to imitate. That "someone" is usually one or both of their parents. Parents are a child's first teachers and role models. Usually children are more affected by what their parents do than by what their parents say. They learn how to behave by seeing how their mothers and fathers behave and following their example. For this reason, you need to be aware of the "lessons" you may unintentionally be teaching your children. Children often learn without a parent's realizing it. For example, it's not unusual for a mother to overhear her four-year-old child scolding a younger sister or brother or a doll in the same sharp tones that she herself uses when scolding the children. Such unintentional influences are just as powerful as those we carefully plan.

Social skills. Social skills and attitudes are often best taught by example. A child will learn good manners more easily when "please" and "thank you" are part of daily life. The learning is gradual and occurs more naturally at home. As children take part in social activities with a parent, they begin to notice how the parent reacts to other people and new situations. A child's own self-confidence in meeting people often depends on the parent's example.

Respect for others. Children learn more than social skills and table manners from their parents. They also learn how to value other people and institutions. Parents who regularly put down other people are teaching their child that other people are unimportant. Be aware that the way you treat your child sets an example for how your child should treat others. If you want your child to respect the rights and feelings of others, then you must begin by respecting your child's rights and feelings.

Do it yourself. Consistency between teaching and example is very important. If you try to teach your child one thing but then behave in a different or opposite way yourself, your child will become confused and frustrated as to what to do and whom to believe. One man reportedly shouted at his children constantly: "Say 'please,' say 'thank you.'" Yet he was never heard to say "please" or "thank you" to his children. More likely he would shout across the yard, "Go wash your hands for lunch" or "Get me the hammer" (with no "please" and no "thank you"). Or suppose a five-year old is caught hitting another five-year-old. His parent tells him that he must not hit people—and then gives him a spanking as punishment. The parent's action is inconsistent with the message and the child doesn't know whether to believe the words or the actions.

The home atmosphere. Children not only unconsciously imitate the behavior of their parents, but they also absorb the general atmosphere of the home. A child reared in a home filled with love, affection, and cooperation can more easily show love to others. This doesn't mean that you have to avoid conflicts, but the way you handle conflicts is important. Parents who cope with problems by blaming others should not be too surprised to hear their child say, "Sally did it, not me." If, on the other hand, a parent makes a real effort to tackle a problem, the child will be less likely to give up at the first sign of trouble.

Accentuate the positive. Perhaps instead of focusing attention on punishments and rewards, what threats will work, and whether to spank or not, we might better find some quiet time and place and try to define what qualities we would like our children to have when they grow up. Then remember what one mother said: "If I try to live by my values, my kids will follow my lead."

Explain things. Preach what you practice. That is, don't just do it, say it. Modeling is more effective when we talk about what we are doing and why. If we take soup to a sick friend or if we work on a community project, our children are more likely to pay attention to what we are doing and to copy those efforts if we share our motivations. Children often have no idea why we do what we do. Explaining that we think it's important to be helpful and that's why we're bringing the soup or that we share the responsibility for making our community a better place to live and that's why we go to meetings, helps our children understand our reasoning and relate our activities to their own behavior.

Also talk about the ways you cope. Children need to see how people deal with the kind of situations and dilemmas in life that they face. A father going out to clean the garage might say, "Oh, this place is such a mess, I don't know where to begin (mirroring the child's typical feelings about her own room, if this is an issue). "I guess I'll just start in one corner and see how far I get in an hour." The adult demonstrates a way of coping with feelings and shows how to take on a task step by step.

Example example example

Famous child psychiatrist Fritz Redl used to say to groups of parents: "Get out your paper and pencils. I am going to tell you the three most important things you will ever need to know about raising children." The parents would wait breathlessly for his words of wisdom. Then he would say, "Example, example, example." Similarly, Eda LeShan, a family counselor and author about parenting, has often said: "The only way to raise a decent human being is by being one." These two observers are correct: what children become probably has most of all to do with the example set by those who raise them.

"Monkey see, monkey do."
"Do as I say, not as I do."

How do you set good example?

How to Set a Good Example for Your Kids

You Don't Have to be Perfect to be a Positive Role Model

by kelly Wallace

Your children will remember their childhood with pride and fondness, and grow up to be stable individuals if you lead by example.

Most parents usually live somewhere in between oblivion and constant worry over their kids. The older they get, the more this tends to increase. It’s so easy for parents to beat themselves up or throw in the towel when their kid messes up or gets into trouble. You wonder where you went wrong and how it could have been prevented. You ask yourself if you truly did set a good example for your kids. If not, where could you have made changes and is it too late?

The good news is, if your kids are still living at home it’s never too late to set a good example for them. Even if they don’t live at home, you can still set a good example!

Practice What You Preach

It’s a natural fact of life that humans learn by example. You can lecture your kids day in and day out, but what they really remember is your actions. Do you tell them that smoking is bad, yet they see you puffing away? Maybe you preach to them about the virtues of reading or studying, yet you haven’t picked up a book in years and spend most of your time watching TV. Perhaps you demand respect, yet don’t offer much back in return – respect is earned! The old adage, “Practice what you preach” should be engraved upon the mind of every parent.

Spend Time with Children

It’s confusing as to whether you should opt for quality or quantity. Every parenting expert will have an equally strong yet totally opposite opinion. In reality, you need both! Of course there are jobs and errands and other responsibilities that fill up your day, but out of 24 hours, you can surely take time out to reconnect with your children no matter how old they are.

You Don’t Have to be Perfect

Nobody’s perfect, and trying to pretend you are will just result in frustration, lies, and a downright boring life! It’s okay if your kids see your weaknesses once in awhile, or even that you make mistakes. It’s natural to sometimes lose your temper, say things you shouldn’t, embarrass them, let out a few swear words, and so forth. It’s okay to not be perfect, but you need to draw a line at what you feel is acceptable. If your child did what you did, would you be okay with it?

Get Out of Abusive or Toxic Relationships

If not, odds are your kids will end up in dysfunctional relationships too. Take a good look at the person and people you’ve chosen to spend your life with. Get rid of your baggage, work on yourself, and make changes! So many people are in terrible relationships, but stay “for the kids.”

What are you teaching your kids? To sacrifice their happiness? To stay with someone you don’t love or who treats you bad simply because “it’s the thing to do”? Naturally, you shouldn’t bounce from one relationship to the next, but you should definitely show your kids that self-esteem, self-confidence, and a healthy relationship are paramount to being happy in their adult years.

Hug Children Often!

No matter how old they get always express your love and affection. Kids need to feel the physical connection that mutely says parents adore them down to their very soul and accept them no matter what. Yes, dads should hug their kids too! Affection is THE best way to set a good example for your kids.

Setting a good example for your kids isn’t difficult; it just takes patience, love, and attention. Spend time with your kids, get out of abusive relationships and show your kids you love them.

Read more: "How to Set a Good Example for Your Kids: You Don't Have to be Perfect to be a Positive Role Model" - http://parentingmethods.suite101.com/article.cfm/how_to_be_a_good_role_model_for_your_kids#ixzz0BWv5b0U7

Read more: "How to Set a Good Example for Your Kids: You Don't Have to be Perfect to be a Positive Role Model" - http://parentingmethods.suite101.com/article.cfm/how_to_be_a_good_role_model_for_your_kids#ixzz0BWuuVpDA

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