Monday, 21 September 2009

can you study to recession-proof your life

The credit crunch is still, um, crunching and our economic woes show no sign of coming to an end. What can you study to recession-proof your life, and which courses will make you a financial disaster waiting to happen?


Fine, as long as you specialise in liquidations.


It is comforting to retreat in your own mind to a simpler, more noble time before sub-prime mortgages had been invented. Plus, there is a chance you might dig up a big box of gold.


Why not spend seven years learning to design awe-inspiring creations rendered from glass and steel… which will then sit empty because no company can afford the rent.


Shortly to be taking over the world, so you may as well learn the language.


All those people working in banks right now studied economics, and look where it got them. Spending three years trying to predict the international markets through scattered rune stones and soggy tea leaves would be time better spent.

Equine studies

With Bill Gates now the only person who can afford to buy petrol, the horse is set for a major comeback as a mode of transport.


Perhaps you will be able to tell us precisely which creek it is that we are up without a paddle.


"Those who do not remember the past are doomed to repeat it." Funnily enough, quite a lot of people remember the last recession and yet here we are again. It's enough to make you question wise-sounding quotes you read on the internet.


On the plus side, you will be able to work out exactly how much money you don't have. On the minus side… well, the same thing, really.


Absolutely! If there's a single group that will be essential in rebuilding the world's economy it's going to be those philosopher dudes, right?


Somebody is going to have to talk all those bankers down off their window ledges. It may as well be you.

Rural studies

In the post-capitalist apocalyptic wasteland we are all shortly to inhabit, the ability to actually make something grow out of the ground will be highly prized. Come the revolution, Waitrose is not going to fare well.


Applications are rising because, at times of financial insecurity, you can rest assured that there will always be children who need to learn to spell. Try to remember not to get a job in a private school though, because no one will be able to pay the fees anymore.


If there's one thing an animal won't do, it's tell you that you were foolish to invest in property in an overinflated market underpinned by unsustainable levels of reckless lending.

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